Bonhomme
by Dragon Silhouette
Summary: America, Canada, England and France go to the Quebec Winter Carnival and encounter the event's mascot. [stalker!Bonhomme, RusCan, slight FrUK]


**Disclaimer: **Hetalia/Nyotalia is not mine.

**Warnings:** Stalker!Bonhomme, France, Canako, RusCan, slight FrUK, dungeons, an ice hotel and much snow. Did I mention stalker-ation?

**Author's note:** One of my Things to Do Before I Die is to visit the Ice Palace during the Winter Carnival~!Oh, and to spend a night in the Ice Hotel.

* * *

**Québec, Canada**

* * *

The star-studded sky drifted above a city of lights, laughter and music.

In one particular area on the Plains of Abraham, a magnificent ice palace stood proudly against the backdrop of snow and trees like a medieval castle in a fairy tale. The flickering shadows of people within its arctic embrace were visible through the semi-translucent wall, dancing and twirling and milling around with other party goers.

Amidst this crowd of celebrators, four nations stood in the sidelines, all clad in their finest clothing

"It's so cold!" America whined. "Why is it so cold?"

England rubbed his forehead. "We are in an ice palace, Ame – Alfred. _Of course_ it's going to be cold."

"You shouldn't be so negative," Canada commented. "You might get thrown into the dungeon."

America snorted. "That creepy snowman's no match for me!" He cast a wary look at Bonhomme, who seemed to be staring at them with that creepy smile of his...

France was still marvelling the ice palace's architecture and beauty. "Ah! C'est merveilleux! Mon chérie, this is absolutely romantic~!"

"Merci."

France winked suggestively at England. "Perhaps, later, we could go to an ice closet and... warm up?"

"Wanker!" England was blushing. "D – Don't speak like that, frog! It is inappropriate!"

"Ohonhonon~ I know you love me, l'Angleterre~!"

"I have this uncontrollable urge to maim you and dump your corpse in the snow..."

Canada sighed as the two European nations once again dragged themselves into a fight. Really, couldn't they take their sexual tensions elsewhere? Or better yet, let France solve the sexual tension? England was being a stubborn –

"Sis, I swear that snowman is staring at us."

"America, Bonhomme is not staring at us."

"But he is!"

"Then feel free to move away."

"I will!" He grabbed her arm and led her deep into the crowd. "But you're coming with me!"

"Al – ugh." She gave up. What was the point of fighting America's strength?

England paused his fight with France. "Oi! Where are you going?!"

"Are you just leaving Alice et moi here – ?" France was startled by a couple of hands grabbing him from behind. "Quoi? The dungeon? But I have my effigy right here – Alfred!"

Said nation snickered.

"You stole his effigy," Canada stated plainly.

"Yeah, I – Okay, seriously, what is up with that snowman?" America pointed at Bonhomme, who had turned around to follow their path. "It's staring at us _again._"

"Alfred," Canada sighed.

"It's creepy!"

"Bonhomme is not creepy!"

Pause here. As much as Canada loved the Carnival's mascot, she had to admit that the big snowman was a little bit unsettling – especially if it seemed to be stalking you in its own domain.

But Bonhomme was French-Canadian, and Canada supports that.

"Let's just go away," America muttered. Once again, he dragged his sister through the hoard of humans and tried to blend in.

Thus, the game of hide and seek began.

Every time America (and Canada) stopped and scanned their surroundings, Bonhomme would always be there, staring at them with its black, beady eyes and red Santa hat resting limply on its head. Once, it even had the nerve to wave at them.

_It_ waved at _them!_

It was confirmed: Bonhomme was a stalker.

Finally, America couldn't take it anymore.

He stomped up to Bonhomme and told it, "Stop stalking us!"

Bonhomme tilted its head.

"You heard us! You don't think we know what you're doing? So yeah. Stop it."

Canada tugged at America's sleeve. "Alfred – "

"Not now, Canada."

A familiar voice sounded from Bonhomme. "This is a nice ice palace, da~?"

America choked. "W – What the hell?"

Bonhomme took off its head and revealed a smiling Russia. "Privet, comrades Madlen and Alfred."

"Commie! What the hell are you doing in Quebec? Why are you wearing that costume? Oh god, you're invading Canada, aren't you? Well, you've picked the wrong country to invade, bastard. Where's my army – ?"

"America!" Canada put a hand on his mouth. "Shut up! He's not invading me."

"How would you know? No offence, but your army sucks – "

"You will not insult Madlen, America." Russia's childish smile was deceptive and hid an undercurrent of threats and kolkolkols _I-will-kill-you-if-you-say-that-again_s.

America narrowed his eyes. "If you're not invading, then what're you doing here?"

"I was invited." He admired the ceiling. "This is a beautiful palace, comrade Canada. It reminds me of Anna Ivanovna's ice palace..."

"You invited the Commie here?" America questioned her.

"Oui." She sent a look at the Russian. "Although, I didn't ask him to wear the costume..."

Russia smiled. "I wanted to surprise you."

America managed to speak again. "Why?"

"Because it is fun to see her face?"

"Not you, Commue. Canada, why did you invite _him?"_

Canada blinked. "Because we are in a relationship?"

"... Huh?"

"Da," Russia piped up. "We are one, Canada and I." He wrapped an arm around the other arctic nation.

"...?!"

Canada waved a hand. "Alfred?"

He didn't answer.

Canada poked his forehead. "I think he's in shock."

Russia merely smiled again. "We saw it coming, did we not?"

"Oui."

"Shall we dance?"

"Sure, but... should we leave him there?"

"He will be fine."

"... True.

* * *

**Notes:  
-The Canadian army sucks. Even I admit that. If it weren't for America, we'd probably be overrun by, like, Nazis or something. (No offence to Germans.)  
-The ice palace in St. Petersburg, Russia was built by the order of the Russian Empress Anna Ivanovna in 1739 (or was it 1740?). Obviously, the palace melted in the summer, but while it was still standing, they did a lot of things inside like mock weddings and stuff.  
-The Quebec ice palace was built for Bonhomme every Winter Carnival. It's like Bonhomme is the lord of the castle, and all the visitors are, like, visiting nobles or something.  
-It's made out of approximately nine thousand tonnes of snow. How many elephants is that?  
-If you get caught without an effigy in the ice palace, you get thrown into the dungeon! (No kidding.) The Bonhomme effigy is like a pass you buy to get into the Carnival tourist sites and stuff. I'm not sure what else it does though.  
-You also get thrown into the dungeon if you're not happy. It's the Winter Carnival; there's no place for sad people!  
-Google Bonhomme and tell me he/it isn't creepy! It's like a giant Santa/Ronald McDonald hybrid made out of snow!  
-Bonhomme literally means "good man."  
-The ice palace's architecture changes every year. I have to say, the palace in 2001 is my favourite so far~! I can't wait to see what they design this year.  
-The Winter Carnival in Quebec is AWESOME. Like, seriously, you should go visit.**


End file.
